I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
