I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Of course I have a pirate flag
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
