how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
