i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
