He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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