Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
