dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm too high and old for this...
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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