i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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