party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
