I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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