I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
