I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
