Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
