My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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