If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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