So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
