i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
‪Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best. ‬
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
