so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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