She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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