I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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