Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
