We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
