i would punch a child for taco bell
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Can vaginas get frostbite?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
