This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
