y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
