Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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