This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
