I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
