hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
