I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
