Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Farmville is her only friend.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
