My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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