Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
