Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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