What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
