My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
