Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
