WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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