I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
