she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
