"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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