hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
