no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
