At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
