You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Randomize
