I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
