Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
foreskin is a definite game changer
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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