now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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