I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
