is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
