Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
