Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Princesses don't give blow jobs
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
