I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
