Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
