Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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